Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
