i don't plan on having that self control this summer
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
