I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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