When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
