I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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