So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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