Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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