i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
