So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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