so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
