You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
