I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
