I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
