I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Randomize
