you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
