Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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