I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
