Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
