remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
A+ Viking dick
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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