Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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