if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
