The maid of honor just puked.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
