You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
