It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The air was thick with penises
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
