The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
