her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
