You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
