Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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