paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Betty ford says i'm here all night
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
