My friends, they love my intelligence
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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