STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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