I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
