Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
