This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
