Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
