I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
