I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
