Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i've created a new STD.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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