Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
