im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I think my moral compass just broke
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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