you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
