Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
