well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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