you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
