i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
