I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
