Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
