Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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