you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
