His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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