There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
