My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
